Caring & Caring Not

For many, many years, I was a people pleaser. I wanted people to like me. I wanted them to think I was nice, conventional, appropriate…whatever they needed me to be. What the hell is that?! Why? What deep-seated insecurities must I have had to require the approval of people I don’t even know?

Was I nice enough?

Was I thin enough?

Was I smart enough?

Was I kind enough? Funny enough? Clever enough? Cool enough?

Couple this “need” to be liked with being painfully shy and you have my young adult life all wrapped up in one anxious and self-conscious path.

What changed all that? Becoming a Mom.

Suddenly…instantaneously…I knew who I was, who I wanted to be for my kids, and what really mattered. I found my voice, and I didn’t much care what anyone thought about it.   

Gone was the wallflower who would sit back and watch others and follow their lead. Here was a leader, an outspoken advocate for her kids, and someone who was confident in who she was. Even greater, here was a woman who didn’t give a crap (or at least less of a crap) whether or not you actually liked her.

This point was driven home by a conversation with my husband last evening:

“You really should be more careful about what you post on Facebook.” 

“I don’t care.” 

“People may not understand it’s a joke.” 

“I don’t care.” 

“But they won’t have the context and who knows what they’ll think?” 

“I don’t care.” 

“Well, you’re a public figure now.” 

“I don’t care.” 

“You have a reputation to protect!” 

“I REALLY don’t care. If it becomes a problem for someone, they can impeach me from the School Board…like anyone wants my position anyway!” 

And the truth is, I DON’T care! It was very liberating to say it and actually mean it!

It doesn’t mean I’m cold or selfish; nor does it mean I wish to offend. Quite the opposite. I find it makes me even more respectful of others’ opinions, especially if they’re passionate about their beliefs. I find it makes me even more diplomatic in situations. But most of all, I find it makes me happy. I like who I am. You don't agree? I really don't care. ;)

What I learned today: Friction Lotion can lead to some interesting and empowering conversations.