Parenting with "crazy eyes"

Tonight was not a stellar night of parenting. The boys have been pushing my limits of late. They’ve been deceitful with their actions, lazy with their responsibilities, and have taken bickering to a whole new level. Add to that the layer of year-end stress from SOL testing, projects, and exams, and there is a heightened level of stress that hangs over the house like Pig Pen’s cloud of dirt.

I’m not a yeller. I generally keep an even keel. But when I lose it, I lose it big. I bring out the Greek and go ape sh*t on the kids. It is a high decibel rant that covers every foible and insecurity that any child would have. It is a rant so loud and outrageous and spiteful that I expect CPS to show up on my doorstep. Coupled with my “crazy eyes,” it absolutely gets their attention – but at what cost?

After my apoplectic fit, I order them to their rooms. “Brush your teeth. Go to bed. You’ll be up at the butt-crack of dawn to do a list of chores so heinous, you’ll beg for mercy.” Nice.

I hear one in his room crying. The other sheepishly leaves a note of apology on my bed. It is written with such tenderness and self-loathing, that I’m arrested. To know that my words and actions have extracted such drastic feelings from him absolutely cuts me to the quick.

After an appropriate time of reflection, we gather together to talk about it – to talk about everything – their actions, my reaction, our family, our love, how hard we all try, how truly blessed we are. I wipe their faces and tears with a washcloth, trying to erase the night. I calm them. I breathe with them. I try to quell their fears and misgivings. I tuck them in. I kiss them and tell them they are loved, and tomorrow will be better.

My 17 year old daughter walked into the maelstrom right before I sent the boys upstairs. She knew what was going down and quickly went upstairs to shower. Later, she asked me if everything was OK and I shared my thoughts. She asked, “Geez Mom, how loud did you yell? I remember, one time…” and she continued to share another proud (not) parenting moment of mine, complete with the “crazy eyes.”

On the one hand, I was horrified that she remembered it in such great detail. On the other hand, I was happy that it didn’t ruin her. She is a responsible, motivated, self-respecting and confident young woman who respects her parents. The boys, I feel sure, will be the same. The things that really matter are steadfast – they are smart and kind and caring and considerate, even if they don’t always show it.

Her parting words? “It’s just a phase. You have to do it or they’ll be complete brats.”

Perhaps. I just wish I could accomplish that without whipping out the “crazy eyes.”

What I learned today: Parenting ain’t for sissies.